Sunbeams illuminating a coastal forest in Port Orford, Oregon

Chuggnutt!

Category: Movies

  • Van Helsing

    For a while now I’d been watching the previews for “Van Helsing” and wondering just why that movie had been made. Sure, sure, summer blockbuster and all that, but I mean what’s the point? Taking characters out of classic literature, going all League of Extraordinary Gentlemen on them, and making a movie that really has nothing to do with Dracula or Van Helsing other than names—is it really so hard to come up with something original? (Or are they hoping to cash in on that key demographic of English lit majors who also happen to like early twentieth-century monster movies?) It really sounded like something John Carpenter would come up with, and I was wondering about Hugh Jackman‘s choice of movie roles.

    Well, we went and saw the movie tonight, and… I’m still wondering why it was made. Oh, it wasn’t out and out terrible—I’ve seen much worse—but I’m still left scratching my head over it. Otherwise, it had big action, the effects were good, the CGI morphing sequences well done, the actors had a good time camping and vamping it up. Some scenes were creative, some were almost painful to watch. And, could someone please explain to me, at about halfway through the movie why Van Helsing pulled out a bottle of what looked like green Scope mouthwash to drink?

    Ah, well. It’ll probably be the number one movie in America after this weekend. And you just know they left it open for sequels. They’re aching for sequels. And if they’re going to be pillaging literature again for villains—or even using classic movie monsters—it’s amusing to speculate as to who they would be. The Invisible Man? The Creature from the Black Lagoon? The Blob?

  • Hellboy

    Forgot to mention, I saw the movie Hellboy last Saturday, and had a few words about it.

    Really good. For a long time I’d heard about plans for a Hellboy movie and was really skeptical that anyone could make a good one, but when I started seeing the actual previews, I got excited about it. And the movie delivered. It stayed extraordinarily true to the comic and Mike Mignola‘s vision.

    Totally worth it. Go see it!

  • A-Team Movie

    Eric Rescorla speculates about casting for an A-Team movie (should someone in Hollywood ever get the urge to make one). Nice. But my first thought was, why not let the original actors play the roles? (They’d have to find somebody to take over Hannibal, of course.) Sure, it could be done, but that isn’t really how Hollywood works, sadly. It would have to fit the pattern of movies based on old TV shows: tweak the concept to bring it up to date, and cast current movie actors in the roles.

    So, if an A-Team movie couldn’t be made with the original cast (I mean, could anyone other than Mr. T play B.A. Baracus? Really?), here’s my take on the Hollywood-ified concept and cast:

    Plot: Four Desert Storm vets, framed for a crime they didn’t commit, help the innocent while on the run from the military. (Timing fits perfectly; in the mid-80s, they were Vietnam vets.) Of course, the opening voice-over (remaining true to the TV show, up to the point) goes:

    In 1992 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the [current hot/popular city] underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

    Think along the lines of the aftermath of “Three Kings,” maybe.

    And the cast, my take:

    Hannibal: George Clooney (must have “Three Kings” on the brain… but also think “Ocean’s Eleven“)
    B.A.: Tough one. I’m thinking Chi McBride.
    Face: Hmm. How about Aaron Eckhart?
    Murdock: Ben Stiller (how could you not?)

    And of course, all the usual elements have to be there: the van, breaking Murdock out of the mental hospital, B.A. has to be tricked into flying (“Hey B.A., drink this glass of milk”), they have to be locked up in a tool shed or a machine shop or something so they can build some sort of weapon/vehicle/means of escape, and finally, of course, Hannibal has to be “on the jazz.”

    :)

  • Casting Call

    From katu.com, Big-time movie director holding open casting call in Portland: Gus Van Sant is looking for people for his next movie:

    …show up on Sunday, Feb. 29, for an open casting call for Portland writer-director Gus Van Sant’s latest movie, a story about rock ‘n’ roll in the Northwest grunge heyday.

    The casting call will be from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. February 29 at the Child Services Center of the Portland Public Schools located at 531 S.E. 14th Avenue at Stark.

  • The Return of the King

    Just got back from seeing The Return of the King. One word.

    Amazing.

  • The Two Towers DVD

    I just finished watching the DVD extended edition of The Two Towers. Some three and a half hours long. Totally worth it, though, especially for the deleted scenes—most of which cover the additional backstory and events in the books that they couldn’t cover in the theatrical release. Good stuff.

    All of which is preparation for finally getting out to see The Return of the King this weekend. Cool!

  • Movie Roundup

    We’ve been seeing a fair number of movies lately, so I thought I’d post some thoughts here. I’ll probably be spoiling some of them, so only click the “More” link if you’ve seen them.

    The movies I’m writing about are The Hulk, The Italian Job, Terminator 3, and The Core. You’ve been warned. (more…)

  • The Return of the King

    The trailer for The Return of the King is online. December 17th; just over two months.

  • Pirates of the Caribbean

    We (finally) went and saw “Pirates of the Caribbean” tonight. It was a lot of fun, I liked it. Johnny Depp was, frankly, amazing. Go see it, if it’s still in theaters where you’re at.

  • Matrix Revolutions Trailer

    The theatrical trailer for “The Matrix Revolutions” is online. If you got the bandwidth, I recommend the big version.