Sunbeams illuminating a coastal forest in Port Orford, Oregon

Chuggnutt!

Category: Humor

  • The King has a posse

    Okay, this is getting crazy: my Burger King mask post is up to 236 comments, and there’s currently active discussion on where to find a Burger King mask online, and a guy named “John” is even making his own masks and selling them on eBay! In fact, I grabbed a couple of his pictures of the homemade mask:

    Homemade Burger King mask
    The weird and creepy…

    Homemade Burger King mask being modeled
    Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder!

    And I’ll throw a link to John’s auctions on eBay—better get a mask while the getting’s good…

    With all this going on, I figured it was high time The King got himself a posse:

    The King has a posse

  • Black metal humor

    I ran across this last night, and it’s the funniest thing, hands down, than I’ve read in awhile: Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time. Picked it up via Boing Boing, and it’s totally, utterly random. Vulgar as hell, too, but that’s part of what makes it so funny.

    Disclaimer: I don’t understand so-called “black metal,” never listen to it, don’t believe I’d care for it if I did. I mean, really, it just looks like those whiny, narcissistic goth kids from high school haven’t grown up yet.

  • Leeroy Jenkins!

    My brother sent me this video the other day, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile (you have to be nerdy to really appreciate it though): Leeroy Jenkins (Windows Media File, 5MB). I’ve been laughing over it for days. It’s a clip from the World of WarCraft multiplayer online game, of a group of players talking (over headsets) about a strategy for fighting a bunch of dragons—typical nerd game stuff—when suddenly one of the players jumps up, screams “Leeroy Jenkins!” and takes off, getting them all killed.

    Repeated watchings and listening to the comments make it funnier. I imagine drinking some beer while watching it would be even better :). As a bonus, check out LeeroyJenkins.net.

    I’ve got a copy of the file, but I’m afraid to serve it because of bandwidth issues; but if the one I link to above has problems, I’ll consider uploading mine.

  • Sheepherders

    A coworker emailed me this today. It’s a classified ad that appeared in the Bulletin on Sunday. Anyone looking for a career change? Want to get out of the high stress, tight deadlines and sedentary lifestyle of the technology industry?

    Sheepherder with 3 months of experience. Immediate Openings Available. Attends sheep grazing on range or pasture. Herds sheep using trained dogs. Guards flock from predators and from eating poisonous plants. May examine animals for signs of illness and administer vaccines, medication and insecticides. May assist in lambing, docking and shearing. May perform other ranch duties incidental to goat/sheep production. Large flocks with single/pair herder. Free food, housing, tools, supplies and equipment provided. May be on call 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. Maximum of 11 months employment. Employment for -3/4 of workdays guaranteed. Workers compensation provided. Transportation to job and subsistence provided, deducted from wages until 50% of employment contract completed, then paid to worker. Return transportation provided at end of employment contract. A reference is required. Employment is available in several Western States including: NV, AZ, CA, OR, ID, WA, CO, UT, MT, WY, Minimum salary varies according to States. From $650.00 to $1200.00….

    “May perform other ranch duties incidental to goat/sheep production.” The mind reels.

  • Poker (or Wil Wheaton) doesn’t make it right…

    I don’t care if it’s poker terminology or not, the expression “bluffing into the nuts” is just so, so wrong. It’s simply the gayest phrase ever.

  • Pimp name

    Get your pimp name right here. This is classic! Here’s some of what it gave me:

    Suede Jon Shmoove
    Pimp Daddy Jon Wicked
    Trick Magnet J. Ice
    Stealth Maestro J. Glide
    Delicious Jon Wicked

    Via ongoing.

  • Goofy Burger King job flyer

    Last weekend as a treat we picked up Burger King for lunch. To go. When we got home, inside the bag we found this incredibly poorly done “help wanted” flyer. It’s so bad it’s funny! So of course, I had to scan it in and post it here. Enjoy!

    Poorly done Burger King help wanted flyer (click to see larger version)
    (Click to see larger version)

  • Our local Jedi

    It was inevitable, I guess: Bend has its local Star Wars superfans who dressed up in costumes and lined up outside the theater for the premier of “Revenge of the Sith” last night. I know this not because I was there, but because Z21‘s Christian Boris (one of the weather guys) did a live broadcast from the theater to cover the event. However, Christian did more than just cover the event…

    He was dressed up as Darth Vader.

    Thus began the funniest, most surreal Z21 broadcast I’ve seen in a long time, maybe ever. And it was such a short clip! First there was the shock and awe of the Darth Vader costume… on the guy reporting the news… whose helmet looked too small… I honestly couldn’t tell if he was dressed up because he was doing a piece for the news, or if he’s really into Star Wars. Either way, it was gutsy, but just seemed so, so wrong.

    And, when you think it really couldn’t get any better—aside from just showing some of the various costumes people put together for the big night—Christian wisely decided not to interview any particular people and opted instead to just let the camera do the talking.

    To my utter amazement, these two guys dressed up as Jedi start lightsaber dueling in the parking lot. I mean, full-on theatrics, and the taller guy with the more elaborate costume was really, really into it—leaping in the air, spinning around, the works. It was a bonafide jaw-dropping moment… followed by laughing uncontrollably and utter disbelief.

    Back in the studio, both Nina Mehlhaf and Jason Carr were laughing, too… I got the sense that Nina was this close from losing it and descending into maniacal laughter, but she reigned it in in time.

    You know what’s even better? When the moment was selected for the Bulletin‘s photo of the day:

    Christopher Deattrod, dressed as a Star Wars character he made up (Jedi Knight Rod-Wan Deattrod), defends himself with a model lightsaber on Wednesday afternoon while waiting for the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
    Photo courtesy of The Bulletin

  • Treknobabble on Slashdot

    In the science fiction world, “technobabble” refers to the use of technical or scientific jargon strung together so that to listeners unfamiliar with the language, it sounds like made-up nonsense. When relating to Star Trek, a derivative and more derogatory concept shows up: “treknobabble,” which, in the words of Wikipedia, “is used humorously by fans of the various Star Trek television series, and disparagingly by its critics, to describe the infamous amount of pseudoscientific gibberish inserted seemingly at random into many episodes of these television series.”

    Well, on Slashdot tonight this article contains the most ridiculous real-world treknobabble I’ve ever seen:

    A one-dimensional [Bose-Einstein condensation] in an optical lattice is rapidly rotated, causing a quantized vortex to form. The bosonic part of the superstring consists of this vortex line. Inside the vortex, they would trap an ultracold cloud of fermionic atoms. Hopefully this will allow observation of the supersymmetry between bosons and fermions, thus providing the first experimental evidence to support superstring theory.

    That makes no sense to me whatsoever, and yet it’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

  • INTJ

    My friend Kerry at work had a bunch of people take the Jung Typology Test to determine personality types and see how well they applied to the real world. I’m not really sure why, perhaps as a group-building exercise. Whatever the reason, they’ve been good for a laugh, but the best part is the analysis of each profile, with lists of famous people—real and fictional, amusingly enough—that match that personality.

    My own score came up INTJ, which is “Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging.” It’s more or less accurate, in broad strokes. You can read the full profile here, but here’s some of the fictional INTJ’s—characters I share personality types with:

    • Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, from Hamlet.
    • Gandalf the Grey (every geek’s dream come true, I’m sure)
    • Professor Moriarty… Sherlock Holmes’ arch-nemesis. I can see that, I guess.
    • Hannibal Lecter… what the—?

    The best (worst?) part was that someone else, after finding out I shared a personality profile with Hannibal Lecter, looked at me with an appraising eye and said, “Yeah. I can see that.”