There’s a whole bunch of stuff I’ll bet you never knew about Chuck Norris.
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris is currently suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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19 responses to “Chuck Norris facts”
Yes, yes, YES! These are so freakin’ hilarious. my friends and I have been obsessed with Chuck Norris for months.
When we go snowboarding we always outfit ourselves with what we call "The Chuck Norris Pocket," which is a pocketful of beef jerky.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
chuck norris can divide by 0
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misaerably.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German air plane by pointing his finger and shouting the word BANG
Chuck Norris once worked for Chicago six o’clock news, but his forecast was always; Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isnt racist.
Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasim by pointing 2 fingers at her and saying "booya."
Chuck Norris doesnt have sex w men because he is gay, its simply because hes run out of women to bang..
everyone has a skeleton in their closet. chuck norris has 2,387.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a light on every night. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.
At the apocalypse, the only proof of existence will be Chuck Norris. He will also be the reason we ceased to exist.
How many chucks could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Every Chuck who’s last name isn’t Norris.
The reason Chuck Norris is still alive isn’t that he gets reincarnated. It’s that he doesn’t die.
When Lucifer tried to overpower God, God didn’t give his power to Michael, he borrowed it from Chuck Norris.
what meat does chuck norris eat, CHUCK
When chuck Norris plays monoply it actually affects the worlds economy…
not even chuck norris can create a person he can’t kill with one roundhouse kick. And I’m never wrong.–If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, and you don’t disintegrate instantly, it’s because he felt like proving me wrong.
God can smite just about anyone. Only Chuck Norris can smite god.
The earth was created by god, and god was created by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is eternal.
One day, Stephen Hawking once proved that there could exist a being tougher than Chuck Norris. That was the last time he walked…
Everything you know about Jesus is wrong. Son of god? No. Imaculate conception? Chuck Norris banged mary so fast, not only did she not see it, but her hymen didn’t even have time to break.
Chuck Norris invented cancer, which explains why there is no cure. It stands for Can’t Avoid Norris. Chuck Evades Remedy.
Chuck Norris could kill a man by willing it. Roundhouse kicks are just more fun.
People tell me that Chuck Norris kills people by roundhouse kick if they write negatively about him. I bet Chuck Norris can’t kill me before I finish typing this sent
when chuck norris goes for a swim he dosnt get wet the water gets chuck norrised